The Big House by Warden James H. Bruton

As you can imagine, The Big House is a book about life in prison. Well... not exactly any prison, but the Minnesota Correctional Facility - Oak Park Heights supermax security jail. Impressive, huh?! Truth be told I didn't know what to expect from this book. Looking at the cover I figured it might be a bit like OZ - the TV series: lots of drama and gay rape in the showers. 

I was glad it wasn't like that, but quite the opposite. It shares the point of view of former warden - James H. Bruton. In this book he gives you some idea what kind of people get locked in the supermax security prison. This one is somewhat an autobiography, because the author tells us stories from his career. Stories that are scary and depict how vile some people can be, others are funny and others are heartbreaking. 

The prison has a world of its own. Inside people get stabbed for stealing a chocolate bar, cheating at cards or even for looking the wrong way at someone. It is a dog eat dog in there and the strong and violent are in charge over the others. Weapons can be made from any object: pencils, razors and even chairs had to be bolted in the prison chapel. There are rules and hierarchies: cop killers are at the top, next are the lifers (cons with life sentences), then come the cons who used a gun to do the crime, the lowest two are the ones who did sex crimes and the child molesters (go figure!). 

Nowadays there are lots of documentaries on Discovery Channel and the likes on prisons and prison life. This book is somewhat like that: violence is blurred and fowl language is avoided. "Now look how these extraordinary beasts surround and prepare to shank the unsuspecting prey." Heh, sorry about that, but you get the point. Read it if you want to know more about prison life, it's quite interesting, after reading it you'll want to join the boy scouts.

Don't be that guy by Colin Nissan and Sean Farrell

Don't be that guy: A collection of 60 annoying guys we all know and wish we didn't by Colin Nissan and Sean Farrell is one of those books that you buy and wish you didn't spend the money on it. It is trying to be funny by inserting lots of graphics, but is just bland. I think that, within the American stereotypical society, some of the annoying guys from this book are spot on but things get blurry depending on sexual orientation, type of relationship there is amongst those guys and level of comfort between them.

Let me explain this book in regards with how close I get to their categories. I am comfortable being naked at the gym because I don't think there is anything shameful in being nude in front of other guys, we all have the same thing down there. I did take my boyfriend at the gym and it was fun, though the category is about the guys who bring their girlfriends and size differences make the guy always having to adjust the machines. I don't mind if guys look at my penis while I am in the steam room, it's just part of my body. Should I feel offended if someone looks at my toes? Yes I am the kind of guy who emails porn that might haunt your dreams, but I do it to close friends who do the same to me, it's called "sex-ed the hard way".  I wear a perma-scruff because I hate shaving and rather trim my overgrown beard. I talk to other guys while we pee at work, I don't find it offensive because usually we talk while going in there and continue the convo while we're doing our business. Last one: I listen to Dave Matthews Band, deal with it.

Guys that I also find annoying: guys who verbally encourage themselves while working out, guys who know more about sports than we wish they did, guys in pornos who don't wear condoms (bareback is hot, but promoting safety is more important), guys who wear winter hats indoors (or during summer days), guys who over-hug (if you're not my boyfriend of an ex, stay away from me), guys who think we have a special handshake, bar-backs who stand around while we need drinks and the list can go on.

The book is one of those that you always find discounted. Those kind of books that you buy from a newspaper stand at the train station to fill your time during the trip and don't mind forgetting it in the hotel room or using it as toilet paper in case of dire necessity.

You might be a zombie and other bad news by cracked.com

I promise this will be the last book about zombies and horrors for a while, or not. It all depends on whatever catches my eye. Come to think of it, this isn't really a book about zombies per se. You might be a zombie and other bad news is a book with some crazy facts about things that were both surprising and funny. 

What is this book about? Well... the editors from cracked.com had some fun finding unusual facts and then presenting them in a humorous fashion. Most stories and statistics are related to the Americans, but there is a lot of other fucked up shit in there to keep you entertained for a day or two. One of my favorite facts is about the concept of "saccadic masking", meaning that during an entire day you are blind for about 40 minutes due to the fact that when you look from one place to the other, you are blind in that fraction of a second. Nifty, huh?

Another weird fact is that Hugo Boss, the fashion designer actually designed the uniforms of the Nazi troops and even IBM provided them with database technology, the Nazis, but maybe Hugo Boss too. Apparently even the internet is bad for your health. Yes, porn is good and fun, but prolonged stay in front of the computer while rubbing your stick or re-posting photos of kittens on your Facebook wall, your natural defense system begins to atrophy. (Kittens are porn for crazy cat ladies, hush).

This book as some very interesting facts about US presidents, disease, Nazis, natural disasters and, yes, zombies too. Fun, and after doing a bit of research on my own, I begin to think that this book is telling the truth. Read it at your own risk, hypochondriacs be warned.

Wolf Hunt by Jeff Strand

I wasn't expecting to actually finish another book by the end of the year, but I guess I did. Jeff Strand's Wolf Hunt is, you've guessed it, a horror book. Or at least it tries to be. In a time where you have Team Jacob (you teenage girls and middle aged gay men know what I am talking about *wink*) and Underworld, werewolf stories don't manage to scary anyone anymore.

Leaving the fact that the title gives you a big clue what the book is about, the rest of the book was fun. You have two paid thugs - George and Lou- who are acting like an old married couple, their contact man - Ricky - who is just a contact man, an innocent woman caught in the mix - Michele - who apparently nobody mentions her boobs but I guess the author is "an ass-man", and a precious cargo in a cage - the psychopathic killer werewolf - Ivan. The entire action of this book is fast, dialogues are also witty and fast, the werewolf is fast but the cars are kind of slow in this one. Ironic, huh?!

OK, so we have a book about werewolves, that wants to be part of the horror genre. Theoretically, it is; but the scare factor is no more. The blood and the gore is there, but is anybody fazed by that anymore? Have you seen any of the SAW movies? Nothing is more scary after that experience. Though the book is highly entertaining, I believe that the scare factor is missing completely. 

Read this book for entertainment, the dialogues are insanely funny and sometimes completely out of the context, but what would you expect from a psychopathic werewolf? This one kept me up 2 nights in a row, not because it was scary, but because I wanted to find out how it ends. Usually a book that does that to someone, cannot be anything but good, right? 

Thank you for reading my posts and my New Year's Resolution is to come back in 2013 with more books and rants for my readers. Happy holidays!

Mistakes and Ladders by Pip McCormac

Oh man, where should I begin... Mistakes and Ladders was spot on what gay life is all about for most men: promiscuity, drugs, drinking until wasted, clubs, innumerable dates, discounted designer clothes, insecurity and lots of drama. Hell... Been there done that, apart from the drugs bit - it has never been my style. 

This book retells all the failed relationships and dates of the author. He even brings to the table his drug addiction and how his friends staged an intervention for his sorry ass. Always looking for "the one" he kept dating guys and making himself believing that each one is the one he'll marry and be his husband. He played the game and, in the gay world, very few people manage to actually find what they are looking for (reasoning that they know what they are looking for). It's a jungle out there and it's every man for himself.

This quote reminded me how shallow this world is and at some level I still am part of it: "In the morning he made me a cup of tea and we watched a bit of TV in bed. In gay terms, it felt like getting engaged." Yeah, we live fast and outside of the society's norms but deep down, everyone at least has thought about finding that special someone. To contradict myself here is another quote: "Anyone you take home will have slept with your old one at some point. There are only so many of us to go around - this is a fact of gay math." Sadly it is so, due to the fact that once you get into a scene and you're still looking to find a man, you probably end up shagging someone who shagged your ex or your ex's ex before you. Just imagine the complications and the drama.

This book is a gay version of Sex and the city, where the main character embodies all of those bitches' traits. Realizing that I had actually seen the series and the movie makes me cringe. Anyway, this is a book about gay life in UK and it's somewhat funny and thought provoking at times. I wouldn't call it "a must read", but it is OK enough to give a bit of insight of how gay men are besides Queer as Folk and Modern family.

Birthday Pie: A Novel by Arthur Wooten

Birthday Pie: A Novel is about family. This book reflects pretty well how most families are: dysfunctional. Yes, there is no such thing as a normal family but in the end blood is usually thicker than water. They might drive you crazy, you might want to run away screaming and break away as far as you can, but in the end they are yours and you belong to that odd group.

Families are crazy. We all have strange members who do crazy things and we sometimes hate their guts but deep down cannot help but love them. We think we know our family members, but there are different levels of knowledge and somehow we just scrape the surface and the core, leaving a whole lot of middle to be kept secret and personal. Sometimes that surfaces when everything starts to go terribly wrong in this life. This is what this book is about, finding out that middle by scraping the surface and it is always unexpected and quite surprising.

Lex is a children's books writer who comes back to visit his family for his birthday and see his dieing father. We get introduced to all of his messed up relatives and the past surfaces from time to time. Each of them has their own personal story that made them who they are today. Everybody had a personal drama and that reflected on their own personality and life; be it the death of a parent, love lost or just crazy a christian wife who doesn't like sex. 

This book just shows how complicated families really are. Each individual bringing his or her own thing in the mix and finally ending with a connection that is either strong or weak depending on affinities and how each member has influenced the other's life. I consider this a must read because it made me ponder on my relationship with my own blood. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe the book hit a nerve by itself, but I really enjoyed it. This book really has heart.

We survived, again

At first it was Y2K and Microsoft managed to patch the system. We were saved. Now the world went crazy because of the whole Mayan Calendar thing. Nothing happened. What could be next?! Let me guess... 11.12.13 ? What's with people's fascination with old calendars and dates? We all die eventually, most probably hit by a someone who is texting and driving, old age, cancer or something along those lines.

In a way I hoped for the world to end. Imagine all those morons in flames running and screaming. You know who they are. Don't deny it. I would have died happy. But I guess it was only hopeful wishing. People were stupid for expecting a major cataclysm just because some guy, more than 2000 years ago, made a calendar. Imagine, what would happen if 2000 years in the future someone finds a computer with Windows Vista. That might just be the end of the civilization after all.

This whole craze made some people very rich by exploiting the superstition: survival packs with vodka in Russia, 1000 bucks entry fee in a nuclear bunker and even themed parties in Romania. Since we are about 100 years in the past, we party like it's 1912. This is the longest night of the year so might as well party all night long. 

As an exercise of imagination I was expecting: meteorites, zombies, electricity being gone, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, aliens invading, magnetic poles reversing, penguins attacking, politicians recognizing that they are crooked, Michael Jackson releasing another album and computers becoming conscious and showing grandma your entire porn collection.  I guess we're lucky that none of that happened. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Rejoice. We survived, again!