The MANdates by Dave Singleton

The MANdates by Dave Singleton is one of those books that reminds me of the good old days when Dan Savage and others were writing dating articles for gay.com. Yes this book is about gay dating. More precisely, it is about men dating men, and it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. The book is trying to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, but I could not deny the truth behind every little joke about the stereotypes governing the gay community. Without further ado, I bring to you: The Mandates. 

Basically this is a step by step guide to gay male dating. It takes you from the online profile to the first date, to meeting the friends, family and eventually to marriage with the right man. Don't expect it to be a concise guide to getting the man you want, it is more like a book with pointers on how not to completely fuck things up. Some things might apply to you and some things might not. If you're in your early twenties, you might have no idea who Cher or Liza Minelli are, and you wouldn't care much either way. Apart from the archaic music references which  fit the bill since the book was released in 2004, the book is still quite actual and the dating rules haven't changed much.

I think the author was trying to fill more pages by adding a couple of quizzes, but then again  I think I can blame it on the times because back then dating quizzes were pretty popular. I had tried their validity with my best friend and apparently, we are a match made in heaven. Then again, we have known each other for more than 7 years, we know almost everything about the other and, even though we sometimes say mean stuff and fuck with the other's mind , we stick together. So I guess this is a true friendship after all and, in a different set of circumstances, maybe even (dare I say it?) marriage.

So the book is old, but actual. It tries to be funny, but I didn't see the funny side. It is informative, but if you're versed in the art of dating and relationships, this book doesn't bring anything new to the table. Basically it says: be a decent human being, know what you want, try to find the kind of guy that fits you best and, once you find him, try not to fuck things up. Is that a good plan? I'd say it is. 

Mistakes and Ladders by Pip McCormac

Oh man, where should I begin... Mistakes and Ladders was spot on what gay life is all about for most men: promiscuity, drugs, drinking until wasted, clubs, innumerable dates, discounted designer clothes, insecurity and lots of drama. Hell... Been there done that, apart from the drugs bit - it has never been my style. 

This book retells all the failed relationships and dates of the author. He even brings to the table his drug addiction and how his friends staged an intervention for his sorry ass. Always looking for "the one" he kept dating guys and making himself believing that each one is the one he'll marry and be his husband. He played the game and, in the gay world, very few people manage to actually find what they are looking for (reasoning that they know what they are looking for). It's a jungle out there and it's every man for himself.

This quote reminded me how shallow this world is and at some level I still am part of it: "In the morning he made me a cup of tea and we watched a bit of TV in bed. In gay terms, it felt like getting engaged." Yeah, we live fast and outside of the society's norms but deep down, everyone at least has thought about finding that special someone. To contradict myself here is another quote: "Anyone you take home will have slept with your old one at some point. There are only so many of us to go around - this is a fact of gay math." Sadly it is so, due to the fact that once you get into a scene and you're still looking to find a man, you probably end up shagging someone who shagged your ex or your ex's ex before you. Just imagine the complications and the drama.

This book is a gay version of Sex and the city, where the main character embodies all of those bitches' traits. Realizing that I had actually seen the series and the movie makes me cringe. Anyway, this is a book about gay life in UK and it's somewhat funny and thought provoking at times. I wouldn't call it "a must read", but it is OK enough to give a bit of insight of how gay men are besides Queer as Folk and Modern family.