50 Shades of Grey by E L James

I started  50 Shades of Grey because i wanted  see what the deal is and why is everybody making such a big deal of it. I had dropped it after the first 150 pages because it is agonizingly slow. Ok, I get now why this book was such a big hit: its main subject is somewhat taboo, for the regular folk but it is not that big of a deal really. BDSM is starting to become somewhat mainstream nowadays. But an erotic book about somewhat  kinky sex might appeal to some.

The characters  seem like they had been conceived by a nun or by a frustrated teenage girl. Seriously now: you get the filthy rich billionaire who is also very hot, the virginal student who isn't that hot (have you seen E L James' picture? I get that now), her  nosy roommate who is also a reporter and the best friend who is in love with the virgin but she doesn't love him. Sounds familiar? I am thinking sparkling vampires right about now. 

Why is this book bad? Because it is sloooooow. Watching paint dry on the walls is faster. I do not care about the main character's internal turmoils and the rich guy is very bland. The author is trying to cover that by making him mysterious, which he isn't really.  He's just a rich pervert who wants kinky sex. The whole "inner goddess" thing is just a way to appeal to women who actually need to feel special, since they lack character and have no sex-appeal. I simply cannot get over the fact that she is still a virgin  at 21. Girls nowadays start their sex life as early as 14 (hence the term "jail-bait"). She has graduated college and haven't had sex during that time? What school did she attend - nun seminary?  ...And another thing, even though the BDSM contract seems well thought out, the requirements are vanilla by BDSM  standards. Domination, lax rules and butt plugs are way too common nowadays. I give the benefit of the doubt for mentioning fisting, but I guess the exchange of fluids is a bit gross for the common housewife (urination, spitting etc.)

If you are a girl interested in erotic novels, this book might be for you. If you are a housewife, hide it from your husband because he might want to fuck you in the ass while you do the dishes and then give you a beating cause you missed a spot. If you are into BDSM and you need some pointers, save yourself the time and just look for some porn or hit a specialized  forum. If you are a masochistic submissive wife: read the entire series. Guys... just go for the porn, it is way more fun and educative, also less time consuming.

50 ways to play: BDSM for nice people by Debra and Don Macleod

50 ways to play: BDSM for nice people is a book about kink. I would call this book a short introduction to the vanilla side of BDSM. It is a light book and an easy read and I think that the cover is a definite indicator of the target audience. Oh hell, I'll just say it, it's for those straight folks that have sex under the covers with the light turned off in the missionary position, who might need a bit of spicing up of their sex life.

I did mention vanilla BDSM because the authors are trying not to scare those "nice people". On the other hand this book kinda misses the entire point of BDSM as a subculture, by trying too hard to make it seem like a walk in the park, than a walk to the dungeon. Ok, maybe I am more hardcore than the authors. They manage to cover the basics, but I was hoping that they'd get into more detail about  the kinky stuff. They talk about the atmosphere, domination and submission, mind games, bondage, spanking, flogging, clamps, dirty talk, temperature play, pornography and a bit of the psychology of the entire thing.

While reading this book, you can have a feel what are the authors' favorite sex positions and plays (hint: spread eagle, face up on the bed or on an ottoman and glass toys). Since Don is not fond of anal play on himself, he doesn't even mention it for men, not even a finger up the ass, not even fisting. The book is ok as a whole, but the structure is kind of lacking because they tried to hit the 50 mark. They mention temperature play where they talk about glass toys, but ice and hot wax are 2 different subjects. Does this make sense? Not to me. Also, they state that a woman masturbating in front of a man can definitely get him crazy hot with desire, as if that is every man's fantasy. I can argue about that too.

I can honestly say that it seemed like a brochure for a spa vacation, than a book about BDSM and kink. This book is more innocent than today's high school kids and although it wants to be risque and sexy, it fails on both accounts. If you never tried BDSM and want some tame ideas for sex, get this book; otherwise hit a BDSM forum and talk to the real Masters and slaves and everybody in between. One word of advice: if your partner is bound and gagged, I don't think he/she will appreciate the idea of being gang-bangged by your other Master friends without a prior talk. Just saying...